SHE

It was summer when they met. He was the tough guy and she was the shy one. The moment they gazed theirs eyes, they knew that their destined for each other. He grabbed her towards him and kissed her torridly without minding the people around them. He held her for almost 3 minutes in his chest and calling her Baby. She wasn't expecting the moment would be too good and too much to take in. What she only cared about was the moment being in his arms and this time, it’s for real.

She can't take her eyes of him and same with him. They kissed again, softly and savoring the softness of their lips. She's even thinking that she can live with it forever as long he's with her. They adore each other, calling each other names, saying "I love you" every after five minutes to each other was normal, making plan for the future was to small for them, they trust and breathe each other. They promised not to hurt each other and doesn't care what the other people say about them. She was glowing everyday and she was his strength.

It was fine times, was amazing to think that it was for real and no one can take it from her. She tried her best to impress him and he then make up for loving her. He was her destiny, he was her air, he was her everything. She was her best friend and about to his wife. They share the most interest and even set of friends. They were inseparable. They were yin-yang.

Months had past. They fought of one thing and they started to be distant to each other. She couldn’t trust him. He got tired of her insecurities. And so, they ended it. She shed a month full tears because of the pain and of losing him. She felt a pang in her chest each time the sound of his voice echoed in her ears. She prayed for more strength and keeps her on track. She was about to loss her mind.

She felt whole being with him, he was her universe and her future. She was losing on track; it was unbeatable to take in. She always bought alcohol drinks just to erase the dreadful nights thinking of him and to easily fall asleep. She convinced herself that she can never have him. They have their own set of worlds. They have their own traits. They have their own cultures. And that makes their difference.

She accepted what happened between them. One day, he called. He told her he moved on. The muscles of her body went numbed. As if, a lightning streaked her. She wanted the call to end but she can't make an effort to push the button to end. She still adores him even though the things he had done. She just wanted to hear his voice and not minding the words his saying. She was crying at the same time talking to him but he couldn't tell it. She was about to faint as the call ended.

She moved on as what he has done. She surrounded herself with friends and family who love her the most. She was gaining herself back. She is now stronger.

She found out he got married to someone else when it supposed to be her. It could have been her that he kissed, cuddled, loved and been taken care of. It could have been her to cook him food and take care of his babies. She should be the one to say "I DO" to the priest and hardly kiss him after it will be announce "Man and Wife". She knew everything that she can make him happy in any ways but that was the end of it. It was then him and the wife. She then ended as a friend.

Strictly Sexual

It's been officially seven months and been playing a sick game. Alone but contented. I have more time for myself but I'm not enjoying most of it. The long cold nights that I wish I can easily fall asleep from the moment I close my eyes in bed. Getting messages from my playmates that wants to have time with me; agreed the thought and accepting that I will eventually loss at the end. I'm in the search of love, pleasure, fulfillment and success.


This has been the longest cold night, wind blowing against my face, the hair covers my face while my tears slowly to fall down. I sat on the concrete stairs at the resort. I realized that I missed the feeling of being embraced, kissed and cuddled. Moment of being valued cherished and appreciated. A person who knows exactly what you like and share almost the same interest. Wind continues blowing against my face, this time I burst into tears.


I need a drink. I needed so bad that I felt a pinch in my throat. This time, I'm going to enjoy whatever I have now and be contented. I saw them enjoy chatting, and so I finally joined them.


So, I asked myself why some people can't be in a relationship will in fact they are capable of being so. So, sexually they go on casual dating and turn into sex. If they happen to agreed of doing it again, we might somewhat call it as a "fucking buddy". But, emotionally you know for the fact that you can't love the person because you just agreed on the word called "sex". You might happen to love the person in the end, but knowing you have your own boundaries.


It's complicated and satisfying at the same time. You don't know your standing and can't do anything to make it official for both of you. It's a very long journey for the ones who's currently on track. A woman who tends to have a multiple partner will greatly suffer in depression in the end but men, who happen to have multiple partner will then boost their ego. It's actually unfair.


I'm in a constant struggle so far with my career and love. It's good to know that I can balance it in the end. Been there and done that. I once like this person but then knowing we could not work it out in the end and I can never have him, I let it go. Surely the depression comes from the thought you're being rejected by those person you like and they could never make an effort to work it out since you're just a second choice and for fun.

Alt+Ctrl+Delete

If flirting would be a sport I'm probably the captain. Same goes to drinking. The only sport I can't play well is commitment.

It's 6:09am in my time, the rays of the sun slowly coming to my room. The sound of the clock rhymes with my heartbeat. I finally realized I had too much coffee and cigarettes over the night. I keep on tossing and turning in my bed for almost 2 hours already. I don't know what keeps me awake and disturbed.

I dreamt of him yesterday. Those words he uttered keeps ringing into my ear. And he said, “I just want to kiss you and want to know how your lips taste like." I'm used of hearing this. Everyone knows how to play those words and just caught you off guard. And for all you know, both of you agreed of committing to each other and just know yourselves in the process. Everything is spontaneous as you embrace yourself for a roller coaster ride.

A month long of commitment will involve of kissing, hugging, cuddling and just simply hanging out. If you're liberated enough, one can definitely think its time to make love to the person and show them how their important. Men simply love that. As month’s turns to year, you knew his habits. You actively involved yourself with his friends. You even replace your surname with his and giggled about it. And the rest is satisfying him.

And then, you fought of small things and made it into your indifference. It's when you don't know where you stand in his life. Feels like you're hanging in the dead air, knowing you can be thrown off anytime. Both of you ended it and agreed of not hearing from each other and make it the last meeting. You cried, cursed the person and think of just moving on and dictating yourself that you can let go of the past.

But nobody lets go of memories and it's a lie to say that you've let go of the past. Tears are unforgettable memories, smiles are the undeniable marks, and heartbreak is an erasable scar. There's no such thing as forgetting but only acceptance.

There will always be something that will keep you coming back to your tombstone. That moment you held your lips to his. You knew the fact that person will make you happy upon seeing him. That first time, you gave yourself to him and promised to be faithful. The good times you both shared will never be replaced of how many times you fought and ended it. You'll forget the pains that caused the tears and the reason you cried. The plan of revenge will be forgotten and you finally realized that life is a blank book and everything will just unfold in their own ways.

I always thought of loving someone is about fairy tales and fantasies. I can attest now that its all about truth and reality. I have learned that promises are not contracts, kisses are not assurance, sweet words are not guarantee's, big hugs are not bonds and nothing is permanent in this life. Just let go of the people who cannot treat you right and hold on to those who loves you back because they are the ones who are much worthy of your time and love. It's like a tug-of-war. If you know you can't win, let go of the rope.

I know now why I can't play it well. Because I'm the person who is scared of commitment and knows the real meaning of it.

Michelle Dg

I'm now back in the game. I stopped writing for almost five years and this makes me amateur. Made me think of what I did over five years. Good enough, I finished college, broke up with an ex for more than three years in a relationship, fall in love and broke up again, parteeyy, loving my family and friends and got myself a job. My life is just ordinary, nothing special and not interesting.

So, I've been living independently for 8 years now. No relatives or family living with me in the same city who can dictate me in whatever I'll do. I smoke and party most of the time. My work starts at 5pm and ends at 2am. I've been in hell for almost more than a year already for being in a night shift. I survived joggling my work and volunteer at the same time. But yea, I should stop whining of everything I do.

So, where should I start? My name is Michelle. You can call me Mitch which rhymes to BITCH. I actually love the label and it gives a sense of being in control of a situation and knows how to deal with it literally. Speaking of being in control, I'm a pushy person and determined. I hate the fact that someone says "NO" to me and basically ignoring me. I love the spotlight, being noticed and appreciated. And oh, I'm funny too with my sarcasm. You'll find me snob and arrogant in first meeting and you'll find yourself right when you did something wrong to me. I fight back and want to get even. These are some of the interesting facts about me.

And so, I woke up today almost late for work. I checked my mails and facebook account to see who messaged me when I was asleep. Seriously, I've been dreaming of what I should be writing in my blog which I haven’t written for long. But, I do have my diary which likely being updated almost every month for just a single day write up. I was thinking of labels that most describe my posts. So I randomly analyze of the serious and exciting topics which encompasses of my living and being alone. I don't want to be hypocrite and I’ll say SEX is the label for most of my future posts. Shopping and vacation will sum it up but I bet, it will be too boring for you to read.

Its already 4am now. And I just got home from work. Both of messengers are on, listening to foreign live radio streaming and facebook account on. I'm doing this for almost every boring day. The room is filed with paint aroma. The bed is covered with my clothes that I wore to work today and bags. And I thought, I should feel cold now and needs something to drape myself. But, I'm just too busy to get this done as my first post. So now, I'm sitting with my legs straight, pillow in my lap and a laptop on top. And now, I need to be serious.

If there's a word that I could describe myself, it would be solid. I stand to what I believe in and nothing can pull me down. Neither rains nor storms can melt me. You will see me hard and with a strong foundation. I dealt with almost all kinds of personality of a person at work and just everyday. So, I don't really care if they'll read my post ranting about them and talking about their gossips and their ventures. They talk most of their day satisfying their men and getting laid. Oh well, I dreamt of it too but I don’t rant and not a kiss and tell persona. Honestly, it was fun eavesdropping. I almost jump from my set when the girl said she doesn’t care about the guy as long as he has something to satisfy her. Too much information I'm getting and want to go to her and tell her that she's wrong.


Reason number one: Men come in different packages. By means, the THING. I've heard that most of the Arabs have the BIG thing. Second would be the Americans, Blacks, European and lastly Asians. By this, she might just experience a second of heaven which will take her for almost an eternity. And I attest to that.
Reason number two: Does she take accountability for her health? Multiple partners could lead to a serious disease if not taken seriously and not mindful of being safe.
Reason number three: There's more fun than a shaggy night. I would rather enjoy watching late night movies with the guy than getting to know the person right on that moment in bed.
Reason number four: Know him by all means. The guy might just be married and you’re not the only one.

So, I survived writing and whining just about anything. A guy who just recently got married keeps on messaging me now and wants to come over. This made me wonder, why guy could never be satisfied of anything. And if you ask who they would choose, they will rather be with someone who's been with them for too long and who's they've been cheating with. What a total jackass! And for the record, I want to be with someone who will respect me and love my flaws and not just I do it good and satisfied him.